Sunday I am HOME.

In all of the crazy changes of the last few months, church has been the stable force.  Going into a church building and knowing that I can take the sacrament, means I can still my mind long enough to forget about checklists, and I can just see God in my life.  I can see good people serving in their callings, sharing their testimonies, and lifting where they stand. I can learn, I can feel more connected.

I have a dear friend who told me once that sometimes she just feels homesick for heaven.  That was a profound thought.  We all long for a place where we are accepted, loved, taught, fed, treasured, content, and HOME. I can envision a perfect family home, cushioned in warmth and safety where my Heavenly parents will be waiting for me.  Waiting to hug me and rush to my side.  Waiting to teach me and wipe my tears and make everything better.  I think it is a natural longing to want to be with God.  We crave that acceptance and love because our spirits have felt it before and we want to reach out with all within us to feel the warmth of that light again. I wish my home could feel like that now, but for now I am working to create it each day with the Lord's help. Church helps me do that. It helps me feel like I'm not homesick at all, but given glimpses of what the Lord wants to open up to my view after some struggles and some patience. I can hold on. He keeps His promises and I want to go home.

The last few months have been an interesting journey as a family, helping us all get better at transitions and finding our place in a new environment.  We have all felt a little unsettled, like we are without a home and our normal routines.  In a lot of ways I relate to the story of Nephi and his family traveling in the wilderness.  They knew the Lord was guiding them, but it is hard living day to day moving, setting up, and going again.  They also didn’t have a clear vision of what the Promised land looked like, so they needed to trust in God.  We are in our own wilderness right now.  I don’t feel like it is the terrible trial that it was for Nephi’s family, but it isn’t easy.  All of us have had our own mini meltdowns.  Impossible tasks need to be accomplished and most of the time I just want to whine.  LIfe in Utah was so easy and then I start to ask: why are we doing this again?

But that is what growth feels like.  I know this will be an important experience for our family, and so we push through the hard times and try to recreate home again and again.  The blessing is I don’t have to own that burden all by myself.  I think my kids crave as much as I do the feeling of calm, of peace that comes every time we go to church.  Regardless of where you worship, the sense of community that is there when good people worship together gives so much security to times like this.  There are smiling faces that invite you to dinner, people that tap you on the shoulder because they want to hear the “why are you in China” story, and friends that smile and are kind to your kids.  That has meant the world to us.

Last week, we were getting contracts signed for our new house, we were trying to wire money to our Chinese bank accounts, we were trying to spec out furniture, and I ran out of time to go to the grocery store.  Our apartment right now has no real grocery stores nearby, only convenience stores and an occasional fruit stand here and there.  It has made a typical grocery errand a three hour affair.  I scanned our fridge Saturday night and we had some random options for a dinner meal, but I wish I could have grabbed a few things extra to make it feel like an actual meal.  Then I went to church and before the first prayer, a new friend invited us over to their house to eat that afternoon.  It might seem like a simple thing, but that invitation was a reminder that God knew me.  It was a beautiful meal that was satisfying to our bodies and more satisfying to our souls.  We could feel a part of a new place and begin to belong.  We could share experiences and find new friends.  I could settle my mind on this glimpse of what home looks like.

Today lifted me and encouraged me the same way. I know the Lord wants us to teach and build each other and all these efforts ultimately lead us closer to HIm. I read in the Book of Mormon today and Alma 34:26 really stood out to me: "But this is not all; ye must pour out your souls in your closets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness." It doesn't matter where we are and what hard things we are wading through. God is only a prayer away and He is the HOME that matters.

Some fun facts about our Sunday routine over here:

• We ride a didi (or cab) to get to church
• We meet on the fourth floor (a very unlucky floor because the word for four also sounds like death) of Jin Tai Da Sha Office Building
• My kids beg for comfort food favorites like funeral potatoes (yay Utah!) and so with only a stove in our place, I figured out a creative way to make it without an oven.  We ate this today and it was a definite hit!